SELF Care

Overview

SELF Care is not about bubble baths and face masks (though those can be nice). True self-care is the ongoing practice of maintaining the foundation from which good decisions can arise.

The SELF framework organizes care into four essential domains:

Stillness - Creating space for clarity
Energy - Managing your vital resources
Love - Nurturing connection and compassion
Flow - Aligning action with natural rhythm

Each domain requires attention. Neglecting any one creates imbalance that affects the whole.

The Four Domains

Stillness

Stillness is the foundation. Without it, the other three domains become reactive rather than intentional.

What Stillness Provides:

Space to hear your own thoughts
Access to the Observer (Sentience)
Recovery from overstimulation
Clarity about what matters

Practices for Stillness:

Regular meditation practice
Periods of silence in the day
Reducing input (news, social media, constant stimulation)
Contemplative walking or sitting

Warning Signs of Stillness Deficit:

Unable to sit with your thoughts
Constant need for distraction
Decisions made in reaction rather than response
Feeling like a stranger to yourself

"Moving my body allows me to still my mind."

Note that stillness doesn't necessarily mean physical immobility. Some people find mental stillness through movement, especially those with active minds. The key is inner stillness - the quiet space where awareness can observe.

Energy

Energy management is physical and mental resource stewardship. The metaphor of the water filter is useful here: you cannot pour from an empty cup, and you cannot fill your cup if the filter is empty.

Key Energy Principles:

Take responsibility for your own wellbeing - No one else can sense your needs better than you can, and no one else can meet them for you.
Make filling your cup easy - Arrange your life so that the things that replenish you are accessible, not obstacles to overcome.
Be patient with the process - Energy restoration takes time. Drinking water doesn't instantly hydrate you.

The Energy States Connection: Your energy exists in three states - Equilibrium, Exertion, and Exhaustion. SELF Care means:

Recognizing your current state
Understanding what activities match that state
Returning to Equilibrium as a baseline

Practical Energy Management:

Protect your sleep as non-negotiable
Move your body regularly ("a rolling stone gathers no moss")
Align difficult work with your highest energy times
Build in recovery between periods of exertion

Love

Love in this context means both connection with others and compassion toward yourself. Humans are social creatures - social isolation activates the same brain areas as hunger.

Why Love Matters for Decisions:

The quality of your relationships predicts life satisfaction better than any other factor
Isolated decisions lack perspective
Self-compassion enables honest self-assessment
Love provides motivation beyond ego

Two Directions of Love:

Outward (Connection):

Maintain relationships that inspire you to be better
Engage in community that aligns with your values
Practice genuine care for others' wellbeing
"Iron sharpens iron"

Inward (Self-Compassion):

Treat yourself as you would a friend
Acknowledge struggles without harsh judgment
Celebrate progress, not just achievement
Allow yourself to be human

The Ambitious Compassion Balance:

There's a difference between being compassionately ambitious (adding care as a veneer to self-interest) and being ambitiously compassionate (centering everything around genuine care for others and self).

"The goal is not to have ambition at our core but rather to center everything we do around compassion."

Flow

Flow is about alignment - matching your actions to natural rhythms, whether those are daily, seasonal, or situational.

The Daily Flow:

Morning: Equilibrium - planning, contemplation, important decisions
Daytime: Exertion - work, tasks, physical activity
Evening: Exhaustion - rest, relaxation, recovery

Flow in Relationships: High-trust environments flow naturally. Low-trust environments create friction. Building trust requires:

Realistic expectations
Giving what you can give freely
Allowing others to do the same
Reciprocating naturally

Flow in Work: Understanding whether you're a generalist or specialist helps you find environments where you can flow:

Specialists thrive in predictable, "kind" learning environments
Generalists thrive in ambiguous, "wicked" learning environments
Mismatched environments create friction

Signs of Flow:

Actions feel natural rather than forced
Time passes without constant resistance
Energy is maintained rather than depleted
Progress happens without heroic effort

Integrating the Four Domains

SELF Care works as an integrated system. Here's how the domains support each other:

Stillness enables:

Awareness of energy levels
Recognition of loving connections (or their absence)
Perception of flow (or friction)

Energy supports:

Capacity for stillness practices
Ability to show up in relationships
Fuel for flow states

Love provides:

Motivation to maintain stillness practice
Reason to manage energy well
Relationships that enable flow

Flow generates:

Natural recovery time (stillness)
Efficient use of energy
Opportunities for connection

Practical Framework

Daily Minimum

Each day, attend to each domain minimally:

Stillness: Even 5 minutes of intentional quiet
Energy: Adequate sleep, some movement, nourishing food
Love: One genuine connection, one moment of self-compassion
Flow: One task aligned with your natural rhythm

Weekly Assessment

Ask yourself:

Have I had enough stillness to hear myself think?
Is my energy sustainable or am I running on fumes?
Am I connected to others and kind to myself?
Are my activities flowing or constantly fighting friction?

Course Correction

When something feels off:

Identify which domain is most depleted
Address that domain directly
Watch how it affects the others
Adjust as needed

The Purpose of SELF Care

The purpose of this framework is not self-indulgence but self-stewardship. You are caring for the instrument through which decisions are made.

When you neglect:

Stillness → decisions come from noise
Energy → decisions come from depletion
Love → decisions come from isolation
Flow → decisions come from friction

When you maintain all four:

Decisions arise from clarity
Actions come from fullness rather than emptiness
Connection informs rather than pressure
Natural rhythm guides timing

"Fill your cup first and let others benefit from the overflow."

The cliche is true - but the framework shows how to fill the cup in a sustainable way. SELF Care is the ongoing practice that makes Harmonic Decisions possible.